Why People Get Low n' Slap Ho's

So, I have been listening to a bit more rap music lately, a little less mos def though and a little more jay-z! Good stuff, but it has caused me to have a revelation. I realize now why the rap/hip-hop trend is so very popular among todays youth (and middle aged Hispanic men...respect). The reason it is so widely admired and followed so fervently with such ardor is because it is such an easy scene to follow! The music is very instructional and commanding, so you don't have to really worry about whether you are doing things right!

For example, if you are an avid follower of the rap/hip-hop scene, you know you will earn some respect if you keep your shoulders clean of excess dust, as Jay-Z instructs, "If yo feelin' like a pimp, nigga go and dust yo shouldas off!" So, before this song came about, all the adherents of rap were walking around looking like a bunch of fools with dirty "shoulda's," but thanks to Jay, they are now with it.

Not only does rap music teach you how to be a pimp, but it teaches you how to dance, (crank dat soulja boy, Jerk, get low, etc.), it teaches you what the ladies like, (candy shops n' lollie pops), and it teaches you what the life of a G entails, so that you may also one day be a G. Apparently you need to learn to, "smoke that tumble weed," and to "throw some D's on that B****," (to furnish your vehicle with Dayton Rims). You must, "ride dirty," whilst sippin, "Patron on Ice" and "Git Crunk" and "Snap yo Fingas!" There is so much to learn, and there are so many great teachers!

So, this then got me thinking, how come the other scene's don't have as much instruction? I honestly think that the heralds of these scenes are really missing that boat, and they will soon lose all their followers to RAP!

I think I can give them a boost. So, we will start with those northern California hipster kids. Let's get Fleet Foxes or Band of Horses to write something like this,

oooooooh...
admire owls they are so wise
cut your pants above your thighs
smoke american spirits, preferably mild
and don't forget to read into the wild.

See, it is that easy.. Or we have the "Christcore" kids. The kids who love hardcore music almost as much as they love Jesus, Underoath, you can spearhead this but here is a start.

Scripture chest tattoos,
Super Deep V knecks
one inche plugs
with double peirced lip!

Or, you got that mellow acoustic beach crew, normally following Jack Johnson, John Mayer, and Jason Mraz. Any one of those is a great candidate to help these kids out.

soft acoustic guitars make me feel so warm,
my pants are baggy and worn and torn
rainbow sandals and fedoras too
make me look so good when I'm on the sand with you!
oooooohhh.....

You get the gist of it, I don't have time to help out all the scenesters, so emo, indie, and punk kids your on your own. All i'm trying to do here is stop the impending monopolization of Rap over the youth due to their superior skills in instructional music. Good luck!