The Tree Song

"The Holy Spirit has been called, 'the Lord, the giver of life,' and drawing their power from that source, saints are essentially life-givers. To be with them is to become more alive"
- Fredrick Buechner

If what Buechner has to say about saints is true, then I am a blessed man, for the past few days have brought me face to face with a real life saint. Her name is Adrianna. She is a life giver.

For those who don't know her, she is a 15 year old girl. She is full of joy, she is beautiful, and she has a sense of humor to boot. She is also terminally ill, and only has what looks like, less than a day left here on earth. This tragedy is joy in her eyes, for nothing would bring her greater peace then to escape her ill stricken body and go live in the arms of her Heavenly Father forever. It still hurts to see her go. It is one of the strangest and most holy circumstances I have ever witnessed in my life.

Although I have only gotten to know her personally over the past few days, I feel like I have known her for several years. Partly, because 2 years ago she took the spotlight at our church for her display of resilient faith in God and desire for Him throughout her illness. Since then, she has gone through two years of extreme treatments and medication, and through it all, even in the times of doubt, I have been told that her greatest desire has remained to draw close to God. Watching her journey from the outside has inspired me, but it wasn't until I came into her presence, that she changed me.

Last Sunday I was asked by my sister to go and visit Adriana in the hospital and sing a few songs for her.

After much deliberation Adrianna, her family, and the doctors finally came to an agreement. They were going to give Adriana her wish; they were going to let her go home and live with her family; they were going to take her off her medication; they were going to let her die.

This would be one of the last "Sunday worship services" she was ever going to experience here on this earth.

I felt so small. I felt so weak. I felt so unworthy. I felt so humbled. I didn't even know her very well. I had only talked to her once over face time. Who am I to be there with her at all?

The Lord gave me rest. By his grace I put aside my own worries and guilt for a day, and dwelt fully on what I would be doing that evening. I was so humbled, and I still am. The situation was not a big deal for many who had been around her for some time, but to me, it was time-shattering. How was I going to sing songs to a dying girl and her mother? Suddenly every song seemed so meek and pitiful.

I didn't have much peace until I got into the presence of that beautiful saint. She was asleep when we got there. She had a long day. There were 12 people in the room, 10 more than the doctors normally allow, but they looked the other way. We talked for a while. Everything was uncomfortably lighthearted, little did I realize that it was all a charade. Behind the sarcastic, joking faces lied a depth of pain I have yet to comprehend. For when I finally agreed to start singing, Adrianna's mother, Scarlett, broke down in tears. As she wept I sang. My face was numb as I sang to the mother of a dying child, "There is no place I would rather be, then here in your love." How could I. It was so hard to feel like the bearer of pain.

But then I opened my eyes, and there, under her oxygen mask, Adrianna was awake, and she was singing.

I had to shut them again to avert the tears. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. After Scarlett realized she was awake, she calmed and we helped Adrianna into a chair so she could better enjoy the music she desperately adored.

We took requests from Adrianna. Lead me to the Cross. We sang, it was breathtaking. Adriana had a hard time remembering the titles of most songs, but her next request she pressed with deep enthusiasm. "The Tree Song!!" I knew what she meant right away. "Oh how he loves." I smiled and we sang.

As the night went on we sang several songs, but it was during that song that it hit me. Adriana knows His love. She truly knows it. She is so sick. She has suffered so much. She is so young, and she understands more about God's Love than I ever have. And what hit me even harder was the fact that soon, she was going to experience the fullness of that love, and she knew it...and she craved it. I could see it in the way she sang to Him. He is the love of her life.

She knows what it means to be a Tree, crumbling under the downpour of God's hurricane-like love. But what Adrianna has taught me, is although we are merely Trees, we have the ability to breath life, we just have to choose how we deal with the storms.

Adrianna knows pain, and in that, she knows God's love like a hurricane. Those who suffer most, need Him most, and so their storms of pain, become hurricane's of love. Adrianna is a tree, and the Hurricane of Grace she has been hit by has given her the ability to spread her branches wide, and her roots deep; and just as trees breath life into the air, so Adrianna breaths life into the spirit.

I saw it happen before my eyes. 

She has already saved so many lives, or Christ has, through her faithfulness. Adriana's family did not know Christ before she fell ill. When she got sick, she asked to go to church. Her heart for Him has shaken the pillars of their families foundation and reformed them onto the love of Christ. They are all his heirs now. They are all partaking in His love daily. They are what we call "believers" now. Which really means, they are all now truly alive, and they will be forever.

What I saw, was a little more fresh.

On Sunday night, Adrianna's uncle was there to visit her and support his sister through her pain. He seemed like a great guy with a great heart. To my knowledge, he was not a follower of Christ. On Sunday night as we sang, he remained more or less, silent. He didn't seem repelled by the worship, but he didn't seem to connect much.

Last night, (Tuesday night) I was asked by Adrianna's mother to come over to their home and sing with her again. I am truly blessed. I went at the drop of a hat. We started with The Tree Song, then sang a few more. It was another highly emotional experience. Adrianna worshiped with fervor. She swayed, she clapped, she even found the strength to shake a raise her hands to God. It was heart-breakingly beautiful. but something even deeper happened. I was singing the song, "Second Chance" by Hillsong, and I looked over at Adriana's uncle, and he was crying. Moreover, he appeared to be praying. Now, again, I don't know him very well, so I don't know where his heart is at in all this, but in that moment, it felt like a miracle. After that he moved over by Adrianna and rubbed her leg and sang every song the rest of the night. He praised God in his fear and in his pain. Something that some who have been following for years still don't know how to do.

Adrianna's faith made this possible, for all of us.

I said that I felt like I have known her for years. That is because she has breathed life into me. I can barely think about her without feeling that deep warmth of tears begin to well up in my eyes. She has changed something in me, she has offered me a new perspective on life, on people who suffer. She reminded me that these stories of sickness are about actual people. She reminded me what it means to love God and to trust Him. She gave me new hope. She gave me new life. She is a saint. 

THE TREE SONG