Thoughts on Life and Glory.

glory
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	fame, importance

What am I living for? Such a cliche, but I find that I don't ask myself that question quite enough. What am I LIVING for, it's actually quite a heavy question. Cause really, the most important thing in our brief little lives is the life itself, (duh), but think about it. Life: Theologians and scientists study, ponder, and debate over its origins. People "devote" themselves to politics, religions, and materials in an attempt to put a label on theirs. All these things that societies and cultures are built on are established in an attempt to answer that cliche, "What am I living for?"

Many people will attempt to tell you what they live for, when in actuality they have no idea, they are just parroting some ideal or philosophy that sounded good to them, but are they really living it? I know that I fall into this category. I call myself religious, I call myself a Christian, but to what extent do I grasp the weight of my words? To what extent am I honestly answering that question? I believe, the way we can find the true answers for ourselves is to examine our actions. Do you live for fun? Do you live for pleasure? Money? Status and fame? Self-aggrandizement? or something deeper? This is not a new idea or philosophy, and it is found in many religions and beliefs. But, how often do we access this idea and analyze our lives, AND THEN, make changes accordingly?

I feel like I need to define for myself, where I stand in my life, WHAT I stand for. Up until now I can definitely say that I lived for pride, in all shapes and sizes. Now, pride is not all bad, but the pride I lived for was false and weak. I live for pride in myself, and the only way I found to boost this pride was to access the pride and attention of those around me. When others are proud of me, I am proud of myself. You can imagine how self destructive this can become, being that I am just shy of perfection. (Just kidding don't freak out!) I am actually tremendously imperfect, and I am ironically aware of this.

Anyways, my world thus far has been extremely self centered., I have been living for ME and since I am but a speck on the landscape of of the universe and time, what kind of Glory am I living for? If I am living for a temporary speck, how grand, how epic is my life? So, when I am living for myself, I am being self destructive (in the sense of glory and pride). Ironically, if I want to find self worth and pride, I have to live for something greater than myself, but to truly live for something greater than yourself you have to not care about your own glory.... wow, I know, it gets a bit convoluted. Such is the by product of seeking your own glory.

SO! How does one become someone who lives for something greater than himself? For something Eternal and Grand? To do this, I have to make my main concern the glory of Jesus, the Christ. Thus far, I have lived for the Glory of Austin Sill, The Speck!

(YES, I just brought God into the equation, and now many may become squeamish and detain themselves from reading on, but I ask of you to be open minded just for a second, because much of what I have to say transcends spirituality, and it can help edify you in overcoming frustration and insecurity in life.)

I can honestly say I am tired of being proud and selfish at my core, why? because I am tired of being insecure. Really... insecurity seems to stem from a failure in finding security in my own pride and glory. Since I am human, and therefore I am imperfect, my glory is therefore imperfect, and it is not just imperfect, it is non-existent, for true Glory comes from perfection and it is not self serving, for how important is a man who does nothing for anyone but himself?

It's time to be a crusader for something more glorious than myself. Time to LIVE for the most glorious being, the most powerful King, Christ. But how does one do this? With the primary tool granted to us, the Holy Spirit. We are all too unaware of it, whilst being aware of it. Thomas Merton writes in his book, No Man is an Island, "A man is only perfectly man when he consents to live as a son of God...The Holy spirit is the one who makes us sons of God [it's role in the trinity], justifying our souls by his presence and his charity, granting us the power to LIVE and ACT as sons of God [Jesus]."

Thus we have taken the first step in leaving the life lived for ourselves. We have simply recognized the power and the necessity of the spirit in guiding us to loving and willing the will of God.

BUT WHY? Many will ask this question, why God, why Christ. What proof do you have that living a life with myself at the center is detrimental? Well, here is a thought, and the hey theme to keep in mind through out this upcoming vicious circle of thought is "worth."

If we (Man) are Gods greatest creations, and we are all equal in the eyes of God, Then what does living for yourself, or any other man mean? It means you are living for limited glory, for stagnancy. For something that is impossible to reach new heights of emotional and spiritual welfare with. We are restricted to the flesh, to our own bodies, so what is there to gain by living for any man? For we can see and reach our full potential in the flesh, it has a conspicuous end. So, what does this world and this flesh have to offer that will help us reach new heights of pride, glory and well being? Money, power, fame, sex, fun, pleasure! All awesome things right? But the problem with living for these things is that they are all either created by man and society, or are a small part of us. therefore, if we LIVE for them, we are now living for something that is even less than ourselves. You are therefore, belittling yourself by becoming subservient to a material, or an emotion that will not fulfill you in the most basest of ways, and therefore you waste your life seeking more and more of it because what you have never fulfills.

So you say, fine I will not live for these things, but I can still live for myself. NOPE! because what do you have to offer? All that you have to offer is what you can create, and all that you create is of LESS WORTH than you are yourself. The byproduct of living for oneself is to live for something less than oneself. And, ironically, when a man is living for his own glory, he is actually living in a life that puts him below everyone around him, because for him to find earthly glory he must meet the standards and perception of those around him, he is living for the piteous opinions of others, whose weight of glory is no greater than what he already knows, which therefore has brought him full circle to a place of nothingness, and he becomes trapped on an endless ladder to nowhere.

Me thinks this paradox of misguided self fulfillment is why the world has become such a hostile, suicidal, self destructive and depressed place. We are all jam packed in a closed room of stone, clamoring around, fighting to get higher when there is no where to go. That is why Christs way is so great. When we take him on, and make his glory our focus, we die to ourselves, to that part of us that is fighting in that closed room, and we find ourselves in a new life that is outside of the room, that is enthralled with the beauty that surrounds us, so that our eyes are off of ourselves. Of course, realizing this is just the beginning, and we are not completely free of that room until we have reached a place where our only desire is to love, and live for God.

How freeing it feels to know that he has a plan, and that all I have to do is try my very best to align myself with his desires. To live for oneself is to trap oneself in a box of confusion, how frustrating it is to search for Gold in a pile of crap.