Why I Love Jesus and Religion

(Sorry for the terrible audio, gotta work with what you got! TURN UP YOUR VOLUME!!!)

Love, Can we just steal away?

Run from all these complications, hindrances and over thinking? When our hearts collide like shooting stars, fire reigns down igniting passion within our hearts…but romance is lost in this world of ours for it’s too much with us like obtrusive scars. So love is found in dimly lit bars, where lovers steal and strike in night only to awake to a broken vase a wretched sight, a strangers face. A monster dwells within this place and his lies like poison defeat our race. Our DNA encodes our fate as it weaves within us selfish hate, all love is lost and tainted black, like the darkest night where lovers take.

Love, Can we Just steal away?

To a place where romance lives? Where you’re not afraid to take my hand, for the lies of love are ground to sand and no one has taken you, shaken you or made command to send you to sadness…to be lonely again. My love, that wasn’t love that took your trust from you, it was the thief that stole this earth to rule and to remove the one true love that ever loved you and that love is with us here so take my hand and I’ll lead you to a brighter land…

To a land where love aboundeth much, so do not fear my gentle touch, for I am yours child and you are mine and though, till now, your love was blind, I’ll teach you of love, the most blessed kind. Love that gives, love that suffers, love that breaks and love that dies…but only to rise…yes only to rise…to a love that grows, to a love unreal, to a love that saves, to a love that steals…away.

Away to a land not far…but here, within us now, a love that knows NO FEAR, except the fear of God above, a reverent heart for the lion and the dove…YES…true love

Do not lose this love.

Brothers, Sisters,

Here I stand, not to reform you, but inform you. Not to condemn but to lead you to Him. He who died on the cross, Jesus Christ, to save the lost, was broken maimed and put to shame. Died, just to rise, to grow, to give life to all, to lift up a world, broken by the fall…that said. WE need to stand together, one for all.

How can we persecute in the name of the one who was maimed and put to shame? No, I don’t mean sinners, for we understand Gods grace, it rests and it saves the lost hearts of the broken and for that…we give Him praise….Praise and persecution

If to persecute is to divide, stand out against a people, then to persecute each other, the church…is a new kind of evil.

When we say the church just doesn’t get it, that Christ will not suffice to bring light to the self righteous, we take a knife to the body of Christ and begin to slice losing sight of his grace and the HOPE of his might.

We are the salt of the earth, but a plague to God’s Church.

With our orthodoxy, theologies and quarreling spirits, we lay shame to his name and at GODS BODY we rip…we tear and we break away, we say, Jesus Christ wouldn’t live this way! But Jesus Christ wouldn’t persecute the persecutors.

He was perfect, and with righteous, angry love he set them straight, but our Lord and Love he would not aim to break…or to run away…

If you think the devil has infiltrated, slain, maimed and obliterated the church in which we live then what hope do you have in God’s saving love?

Trust Him, seek to unite the lost within sin, pray for those who get under your skin, but to point fingers? NO, that is not what we’re called to do, for though its hard to hear, Christ came to save the self righteous too, and he loves them…just like me and you.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. We all have sin, so let’s make the church our home. Clean up, help each other and endure with patient hearts, trusting that God will do His part, lets mend the wounds on Christ’s Body, lets make a fresh start. And stand together in patient love after Christ own heart. For you are a spirit and shall one day depart, so set your mind on that and live with agape at heart.

Ask & You Shall Receive

So I don't really have an outline for this blog, but I know I am just feeling so compelled to write and share what God has been doing on my heart, so forgive me in advance if my thoughts are at all scattered.

About 6 months ago I was blessed with the opportunity to visit Zimbabwe, Africa for the second time on a short term mission team. It was amazing to say the least, but also one of the hardest experiences of my life. Most people don't know this, including many of my team members and close friends. But while I was there I came under severe spiritual attack that sent me into a whirlwind of anxiety and depravity. To make matters worse the fact that my mind was so broken and far from what I was doing while I was there just made me feel even worse. That said, I was really able to slow down and sit back a bit on this trip.

The first time I went to Zimbabwe I was so excited just to be there that there that joy overflowed quite naturally. I was energetic and excited, jumping on every opportunity to serve or partake in a new experience. It was a great trip that really changed my life dramatically, drawing me out of my futile and meaningless anxieties at home, and stirring in me a new infatuation with missions. That said, I would trade in all of it if it meant securing my painful experience on the second trip.

Something remarkable happened to me after I got home from Zimbabwe 6 months ago, and I would say it is largely due to the fact that I was forced to slow down while in Africa. While there, I was blessed to form some relationships with some real, loving, serious, disciplined Christ followers. The conversations I had with some of the young men there, most of them my age or just a year or two older, shook me. These were Christians...these were young men of wisdom, of dignity, of Christ.

I got home, and I grew up, (or God grew me up). Not just in the aspect of becoming a more mature adult, but spiritually, God swept me up in a wind of personal conviction that has plagued and blessed my life ever since. Things that I would have thought trivial and hilarious 7 months ago, I now find burdensome. Everything began to convict me, and it all had to do with the way we relate to people as the new Christian generation. I was sickened by how comfortable I had become with my own worldliness. I lacked gravitas. Everything was permissible in my mind, as long as I made it clear I was joking. I realized the calamity of a flippant tongue. All of this began to weigh down on me and I didn't really know how to deal with it.

I wanted to begin to have a positive impact on my friends and on those around me, but I was haunted by my reputation. Every foul joke or flippant conversation I heard stirred with in me a resentment against myself and my inability to confront these people, and in turn formed a resentment towards the world around me. I sought wise counsel, and found guidance there, but still was plagued by a constant bitterness as I struggled not to condemn those around me even though they would not hear me out. This internal battle grew over the next few months, often becoming external, I would lash out in gossip to my girlfriend, or just feed the bitterness with my thoughts.  I thank God for the patience he had with me, and furthermore, for blessing me with a girlfriend who wields understanding and patience like limbs. The battle ultimately sent me into a cave of loneliness, anger and despair. Often I found days of peace, but ironically amongst all these convictions I was so far from my father in heaven. The plague of bitterness fed every evil desire within my heart, and attacked the good within me. Most days, I was at my wits end. I really did not know how to rid myself of my bitterness without ridding myself of my convictions.


But here is where it gets good.


God is faithful.


Last Sunday, I did something that I should have humbled myself enough to do 6 months ago. I walked into church out of a sense of obligation. Worship began, and something happened. I actually, without doubt or selfishness, went before God and asked for help. All I wanted to do was worship Him. So I asked simply that he could please offer me direction on how I am to handle these convictions when I feel that they are only pushing me away from people. I asked Him to show me where to draw the line in the way I relate to those around me. i knew that I needed to be loving people, but I also struggled so much with fearing a return to my comfort with sinful behavior. I asked God with a pure and trusting heart, for help.


Not 30 mins later as I was deeply engaged within the pastors exhorting sermon and I looked over at my girlfriend Carissa who was reading ahead in Titus. At first I wanted to poke her and tell her to pay attention because the sermon was really good, but that was not Gods plan for her that night. minutes later she handed me her bible and pointed to a passage, it still brings me tears when i think about it.

⁹ But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. ¹⁰ As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, ¹¹ knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.  -Titus 3:9-11

God gave me clear direction within an hour of my pure prayer to Him. Now I am not saying that God will work this way in every situation, sometimes he might want us to wrestle a bit more with an idea or conviction in order to learn something. But in this circumstance I saw it as a clear comment from God telling me this. "Trust me. Come to me with what plagues your mind, but come to me and ask without doubt, with a spirit of longing and righteousness. Make the subjects of your thoughts, the subjects of your prayers, and give me silence in your life and prayer that I may speak to you. I love you, and I want you to seek me, but to deal lovingly with others."

He didn't stop there. Just a two days later I went to my small group and had a conversation with my friend Tyler that lead me to write my blog entitled, "The Meaning of Membership." It is centered in the idea that we as Christians, need to seek unity in the body of Christ and deal with one another kindly, enduring evil and trusting in Gods providence. I encourage you to go read it, for God really spoke to me that night.

Another amazing thing that happened that night is that God showed me that I was not alone in a miraculous way. On the previous Sunday night, my friend Daniel walked into church struggling with much of the same anger and resentment towards others that I was struggling with. I had no Idea. That same night, his girlfriend Megan handed him her bible and pointed out a passage to him....Titus 3:9-11.

Miracles still happen. and God continued to speak...

The next day I felt compelled to read 2 Timothy. Why? I don't know!? But it was perfect and the message God preached to me through my reading finalized this internal transformation for me and prepared me for a reconciliation with the the people i had been bitter with in the past, for a reconciliation with the body of Christ.

Have you ever felt real change within you? Change that you KNEW would last, and it did. I have. I did when I returned from Zimbabwe and the convictions set in. That was a step on my staircase towards His likeness. it took me a long time but as soon as I asked God gave me a huge boost up the next step. I feel change. I realize now the great, very serious importance of out unity as the body of Christ. We MUST deal kindly with one another and always and only seek resolution. Division and denomination within the church break my heart, and I know it breaks the heart of God when we divide his ministry up into factions and begin to aggressively compete. I know it breaks his heart when we gossip and create crevasses in his body. We need to better learn what it means to love like God, take time to fall into the Agape love of Jesus Christ.

This is the passage that changed my life (this time), and I can't wait to see what God is going to teach me next.


So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

2 Timothy 2:22-26

Peace and Love my friends.  In Christ we stand together.

The Meaning of Membership

I want to dedicate this post to my lifegroup. Without them I would never have the opportunity to struggle through life to find truth the way I do. They have helped me to discover the meaning of membership with their questions and struggles. love you guys. I would also like to give credit to author Will Vaus and his book, "Mere Theology," for guiding me to this very important truth I have discovered that I have needed to discover for some time.

What does it mean to be a member? Nowadays amongst many organizations and clubs a member is someone who is an interchangeable part of a group. A member can be removed, replaced, and forgotten. In other words members are not that vital or cherished in any timeless or permanent fashion. Sadly, this idea of membership has infiltrated and infected the church and we have allowed it to become permissible, the result is death and decay.

Recently I was discussing the importance of attending specific church services with one of my closest friends. The issue was whether or not it was important for him to attend his age specific service at church that he was feeling compelled to attend, regardless of the fact that he had been burned and hurt by occurrences at the service that had happened in the past. He had this constant pull to return to the service, but his sense of security and his resentment of the things that had happened in the past were holding him back.

At first my only advice was to say that he would not be committing a crime either way. That it was ok if he chose to just go to sunday services and separate himself from the college group, but if he chose to go back, that was fine too. Then I began to rethink the idea of what it means to be a member. I proposed the idea, "i think that it is important for you to go back because you are a member of the church, and being that you are a college student, it is important that you function as a member there too." but why? This doesn't make sense until we fix our definition of what it means to be a member. Instantly I was reminded of my reading in "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis.

In that book, Lewis outlines that the objective of a demon, if he cannot keep his "patient" from going to church, is to create factions or denominations within the chruch, and from there breed hate and resentment between factions. Also, to get the patient to search for a service and a ministry that "suits" him. If the patient is looking for a service that is suitable, he will become a critic instead of a learner.

I believe that for many of us, "ministries" within the church have become factions, and the different areas of involvement and the different services and speakers have created in us "church critics." That said, the enemy is using our divisions to breed hate amongst us, causing us to abandon "pure" or as Lewis puts it, "mere" Christianity. Christianity that is unadulterated and undivided, that is like-minded and focused simply on bringing Christ's love to all.

I see this in myself and in the people I serve alongside in church. I see people abandoning their posts in leadership and gossiping about the folly of others in ministry. People (I am guilty of all of this) bashing people in other "ministries" and even people involved in their same ministry. our "ministries" become like business ladders as we all try to progress in them. Within  the church serving and attending starts to become about ones own ambitions. This is mere tragedy. This all ties into what it means to be a "member" of something, particularly of a church.

Now that the folly has been laid before us, it is time we define membership. In doing this we will see why these things are so destructive. When we look at the word membership as it is used by Paul in the New Testament, we see that it has nothing to do with clubs or organizations, but rather, with the body. A member, is a piece of a body. Each one of us, by joining the church of Christ, no matter what the denomination is, is committing to be a member of the body. How then, can we cut ourselves off from our duties and commitments when the going gets rough or when times and/or peopl become disagreeable.

The way I see it, if the church is a body, then divisions or trials and disagreements within the church, are infections or viruses. Anything that is going to harm the ability of the body to function as a whole, is a virus. That said, we must always and ONLY seek to resolve these issues with a heart of love, understanding, and tolerance, relying fully on God and his Divine influence. We must trust in his ability to work on hearts and stop being so aggressive towards our own body.

It's like this. We cannot force anybody to believe our doctrine or to see things the way we do. God wants everyone to wrestle with their own trials and confusion, to try and battle against the clouded areas in their understanding, because in doing this, they seek him and draw closer to him. When we try to force ourselves and our understanding onto someone else, we take away from that blessed struggle, and we diminish our own trust in God and we prove to Him that we do not believe in his own intervention and ability to work in the life and mind of someone else. All we can/should do, is communicate in love, the truth we have found in our hearts.

If we see something in the church that pains us, we need to communicate with the necessary member, applying our insight like medicine to the virus. We approach the problem with love and communicate how it has harmed us or other members, and we leave the rest up to God. In doing this we open doors of contemplation. If we attack the member with hostility, aggressive or passive, we might be locking that door from ever opening and we might in turn, be making the virus much worse. Also, the worst thing a member can do when they stumble upon something they disagree with is cut themselves off from where they have been placed in the body. That is taking one evil and breeding a second. The virus will not be fixed by cutting off an arm or a leg. Rather, when we abandon ship, we weaken the body and make it more susceptible to utter failure.

The most important thing to remember is that you too could be wrong. We are imperfect, all of us. So it is important that as members of the body of Christ we stick together. That we do not attack our viruses with hateful or prideful words like knives, and that we do not cleave ourselves from where God has placed us on the body when times get hard or frustrating. We must have love like an unstoppable storm. Love that loves regardless of doctrine or wrongdoings. Love that looks for the best interest of everyone, even those who are clearly in the wrong. Love is the binding skeleton of our body. Cling to it.

Only God can perform surgery on the body. He alone can move us to where he wants us, and guide us to where we need to be. Open yourself up to Him and be willing to simply be a vessel, hardened by trust in Him to persevere any struggles that come your way as you serve him. I can tell you right now, it is probably not the will of God for you to leave you church or your "ministry" in anger or resentment. It is never God's will for you to perform surgery on His body.

Above all else, preach love. For God is Love.

God has lead me to this scripture, and it secures my thoughts on the subject at hand. God Bless.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

2 timothy 2:22-26

The Welcoming Wood

This is a new poem I wrote in the form of a Sestina. Enjoy.












THE day had set as I traveled down a road,
Intimate in its design, twas narrow,
directed toward the setting, golden Sun,
which, softly glowing, slowly came to rest
upon the darkening valleys of this world.
The road was long yet well supplied with fuel,

or, signs were scattered pointing towards the fuel,
twas the duty of the rider on the road
to refuel lest he get lost in the world.
Yet as I rode my eyes began to narrow,
losing sight of signs 'til my coach did rest,
still, as I lost my pace set with the sun.

There, still, I sat and lost sight of the Sun.
Alone, I did not think to seek out fuel,
but I looked elsewhere for a place to rest.
In utter darkness I wandered from the road
into a wood, welcoming, less narrow
and filled with mysteries of a whole new world.

My heart pounded as I entered this world.
By now my mind, had but slipped from the Sun,
and it's warm glow on the road, (too narrow).
I was not limited by need of fuel,
like I had to work for on the narrow road,
But vices here offered me so much rest.

So deeper I wandered to seek out rest.
Rest, that would fit me best within this world.
In darkness there, out of view of the road
in dark, I felt the cold absence of Sun,
and there... I ached. My body called for fuel.
I looked around...my options not so narrow

as they were upon the road, (so narrow).
But, as I took my fuel and found my rest
in the wood... I ached as I ate the fuel.
Still I craved more, it hurt. Trapped now in this world
that seemed more like a cage. And for the Sun
I longed, as I remembered its warmth on the road.

So there I sit entrapped within this world.
I have the key and I can sense the Sun,
But..could I, now, return to that narrow road?

Radiance of Beauty

A whisper more gentle than a humble baratone, a note that carries on.

A beauty with more power than a monstrous mount, it's river trickles down.

It falls to rest in the valley of my eyes,
It's whisper cries out and to my surprise,
I find myself falling, up, into the skies.

Stars like the sun, forever exploding, never ceasing to burn, ever bright.

And in the door of your soul, my heart is eroding, when I look upon that beautiful sight.

Spectacles of brown that trickle down and fall to rest upon soft wings

They entangle my will and I begin to drown, trapped within the depth of your being.

Futile words cannot describe your presence,
Haunting though it is,
Upon its air, my soul does dance, 
And from the depths of that prism,
Swept in a trance, three words pour forth,


And I fall into you.
As the peak takes it's form, as one becomes two, unyeilding you catch me,
And I catch you.

As we find ourselves falling through rays of glorious sunlight, forever shining, we take flight.

My heart in fright, clasps tightly to yours, and my passion surpasses the mighty moor, as through violent rays we venture forth, our eyes set, forever forward.

Formula for Death? Part. 1

Do we as Christians really want a relationship with Jesus? or are we looking for a list of guidelines for living? A faith like taking pills to make you a good, moral, acceptable person who has a spot saved in heaven. Taking communion without depth, reading the word and praying out of obligation, and serving and tithing that we may feel like we are worthy of some reward that heaven has to offer. If this is true, we are not living for God, but we are living like the Pharisees, we are self-righteous, removing Christ from the Gospel and making it a gospel about our lives rather than the life of our God. We forget that our faith is built on emulating the loving and loyal nature of Jesus Christ, not on becoming perfect little christians. We debate and bicker about theology in order to prove ourselves to God, (or to ourselves) rather than spending our energy loving one another and seeking the lost, the sinners, who have no use for the complex theology that we think we can grasp with our little minds. As far as I am concerned, the bible is clear with one thing more than any other, "Eat of my flesh, drink of my Blood... Love your Father in heaven and love your neighbor as yourself." -Jesus. In all the gospel you do not see Jesus seeking out debate, sure, he will clarify the truth when challenged (With parables) But more or less, he is building relationships, he is loving, and healing. We here in America are at risk. We have substituted Jesus for our Ministry, for ourselves. Have we completely forgotten what the Gospel truly stands for, we cannot let our formulaic, capitalistic mindset infect our faith. There is no formula for successful ministry, successful ministry is to love others more than yourself and to put Jesus above yourself and love him with all of your heart.  to give ALL that you have to him and follow the Will of his Father. Our Father.

it is the moment when you die to your self-interest when you discover the beauty, the power in you. - Mama Maggie Gobran

The more i think about it, the more I realize we have started an "American Gospel." Where ministry becomes about power, megachurches, money....numbers... THAT is not the gospel. Where did the relationships go? Where did the humility go? Where did Jesus go? Why do we think it is necessary to build Christian Empires here in America? I don't want to judge because I am just as guilty of following and feeding this trend as anyone, but it is hitting me hard, and it scares me. Have we convoluted the gospel with relevancy, with progression, and with consumerism?

I was just lucky enough to see a presentation by Mama Maggie Gobran. She emulated Christ. She was humble, simple, loving...yet... successful. She has started one of the biggest ministries in the world serving orphans in Cairo for over 20 years. What are we doing with our affluence here? I know it is easier said than done, but its just a thought.

This is just the introduction to something deeper and much more focused that I have been pondering over. I just can't shake this feeling that we might be misleading ourselves, endangering ourselves.

True Love=True Grit

This is just a thought that has been screwing with my mind and my perspectives lately, so I thought I might as well share it. It's about love. What is love?Well, when you think of love what images or thoughts come to mind? (in a general sense) in many cases the visuals that come to mind are fluffy, soft, pink, red, rosy, etc. Basically whatever we buy into on Valentines Day. Or maybe you think of your favorite romantic movie, (or novel for you older ladies, naughty, naughty). "Oh. Love is the Notebook. He wrote to her for A YEAR! if that is not love, then what is!? Then they kiss in the rain, and..oh.. it is just so romantic!"

Ya. i couldn't agree with you more. It kills me every time.

But what about that makes it love?

Is it the letters? No.
The Kiss? No.
The fact that they are both beautiful? Yes....I mean...NO!

The thing that makes that scene so romantic is that it reveals to the audience the pain that both of them have been suffering. It shows the ramification of devotion is suffering. The process of love, is pain.

I just recently read a book by Francis Chan called, Erasing Hell. In it, he talks about the side of God that many of us try to hide, or cover for. The side of God that is wrathful, vengeful. the side of God that Kills, wipes out nations. The side of God that causes suffering and pain. The side of God that allows people to go to Hell. Many of us pretend this God does not Exist.

We call God love based purely on the side of God that we most like. We see his love in his forgiveness, in his sacrifice, in his grace and mercy. But, we decide we need to cover for him, or hide him when he is doing something, un-loving, (in our eyes).

Well this is failure to understand God, and it is a direct contradiction to our own preaching. When we profess God as Love, we are saying God is Synonymous to Love. That God IS Love. Therefore, God does not exist outside of Love, and Love cannot exist outside of God. The funny thing is that this isn't even our profession of God, so we don't get to choose if this is true or not. This is Gods definition of Himself.

So, Once we admit that God is Love, we have to realize that ALL that he does, is Love. Once we do this we will soon realize just how much we don't understand Love. Love wiped out the nations of Sodom and Gomorra. Love ordered the Israelites to Kill, wipe out nations, women and children. Love let a righteous man lose all he had and become sick with disease, just to test him. Love set the boundaries of damnation.

Its hard to think of Love as flowers, sunshines, and kisses now isn't it.

This is Love. God is Love. God is merciful, forgiving, graceful, caring. God is wrathful, angry, vengeful.

If Love cannot exist outside of God, then our capacity to Love is in God. so, when we finally find someone who we find is worth loving, we will soon discover the side of love that they don't put in valentines day cards. The side of love that is defined by pain and suffering.

When did we decide that love is all sweets and sugar. When did we decide that love was cheesy and soft. Love is probably one of the hardest, most complex and gritty things in this whole world. It is the definition of our Human Race. We are made in the image of Love. We are made to experience Love, and we do. But in our society we have chosen to forget the side of love that is hard, and therefore, many don't know how to love. This is why 51% of first marriages fail.

So, the reason I am writing this post is to SHIFT the perspective of Love. Lets start looking at Love like a gritty word. When you think of love, think of danger, not the bad kind, that denotes evil, but the good kind. Like an adventure with Indiana Jones, where the outcome is a beautiful artifact. Or a battle in Lord of the Rings, lots of death and pain, but they destroyed the Ring! Love is a gritty word. Its not all daisy's and puppies. It's more like Batman and Warfare. The outcome will always be beautiful, if you are willing to fight for it. Love is justice, Love is beauty, Love is pain, Love is grace. True love requires True Grit, just think like John Wayne.